Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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