i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They took my balls.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
