You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
