Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
