I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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