I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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