four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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