Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize