the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
