I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize