and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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