i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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