Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize