put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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