and you said cock pushups were impossible
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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