Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
