I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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