I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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