oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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