if you like me you must not know who I am
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
