I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
operation have a gay friend backfired
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
