I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
