I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
