in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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