I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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