Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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