I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
