was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
