I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
