but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
