someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bring me that man meat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
