drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize