just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
