things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
