mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
