Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
