I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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