I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
high people should be assigned attendants
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
