They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize