so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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