I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
