woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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