I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
