I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Buhtt sex?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
