you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
