I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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