I hate all girls vehemently.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
