i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
