i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Panties = found
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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