I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
