Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Houston, we have a blender
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize