I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize