dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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