I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He better not be in your backpack
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
