you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
