Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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