How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
