just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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