I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
