The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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