My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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