I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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